Who needs a dog when you have a Dad?

Before scraping, rinsing and placing in the dishwasher, I eat what is leftover on my kids’ plates. Sometimes I have syrupy waffle nuggets, the last finger of banana in a peel or the crusty ass-ends of sandwiches. These are my meals some days. I’ve had peanut butter and honey for lunch and fishstick nubs for dinner.
I eat standing up over the sink or garbage. We always strive for the sit-down family dinner when Mama comes home. But between 8am-6pm, we’re not winning any rave reviews from Dara Moskovitz.

Along with this new diet, I’m resembling a homeless man. I shave only about two or threes times a week, not a big deal with my hair colour, but there are some days I don’t shower. If I know I don’t have to see anyone socially and will just be soiling myself at the park later, why bother? I have little-to-no paid income these days. And most females stay away from me at the parks. There must be something wrong with the guy out in the daytime sun and not wearing a suit downtown. Say what you will, it’s a dirty job, this homebound dad biz, but somebody’s gotta do it.

I also wrote this entry standing up, whilst taking a break from playing Bad Pizza with the family. I resemble an old movie producer boss of mine standing at his laptop with a headset phone. The only thing I’m not doing like him is throwing dead batteries at the kids like he did at his assistants. That and not making any million dollar movie deals.

I’m younger than he was. I have time.

The Hollywood Jefe

The Hollywood Jefe


1 Comment

Filed under Adults (kid-free), food & drink

One response to “Who needs a dog when you have a Dad?

  1. Dig

    The fun thing about eating the bits, is the rekindled love I’ve found for ketchup and peas.

    And yes, you’ve got time.

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