Forced Fetish

Maybe you know this person. Maybe it’s you. Your friend likes frogs. She said so. Every year people give her frog themed gifts. She has a whole shelf of them. So many frogs. Frog cups, candleholders, stuffed animals, pillows, toothbrushes, maybe Michigan J. Frog. One day she says, “Enough already. Please stop giving me frog gifts for Christmas, birthdays, etc. I am not that into frogs, never really was.”

You’ve been to this person’s house, right? You saw their bedroom full of Beanie Babies or maybe their rec room knick-knacks of old timey cars. These things happen. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen an Elvis fetish forced on my brother. Elvis everything, and with Elvis, that fetish can be fed for a while. I think the clock with the swinging hips of time was the final straw in his fetish. Mothers are good at having a little thing for something like, say, bunnies, and also good at feeding someone’s collection.

My favorite forced fetish was when Jeff G. forced his wife Deb to like Marvin the Martian more than she really did. One day she had said something offhand about liking him or maybe just laughed at a cartoon.
She proceeded to receive a Marvin the Martian baseball cap, keychain, t-shirt, and various other things. One day she told the rest of us that she really didn’t like Marvin the Martian. The best part was once we knew it but Jeff G. didn’t yet. We would say, “Hey Deb, where’s that Marvin cap, that’s so funny, you should wear it.” She would just shake her head at us like it was our secret.
And that stuff didn’t make it through to their next house move, getting conveniently left behind.

After a month of this blog, I’m seeing I could get a forced fetish with the mustaches and robots, but am still in my honeymoon phase. I don’t have enough, so feel free, if the combo is right, to show me mustachioed robots or mustaches with El Jefe, whatever you got.
I don’t have anywhere near a full shelf yet. I’ll let you know when I put a moratorium on the fetish.

Have you ever had a thing, whether it was cows or angels or Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Did it go too far? Tell me.



Filed under Adults (kid-free), video

3 responses to “Forced Fetish

  1. My grandmother’s house is covered in ladybugs. Paperweights, earrings, chip clips, brooches, some kind of strange art project in which all of the ladybugs are made of painted, uncooked pasta. Sure, red is her favorite color. But does anybody reallllly like ladybugs that much?

  2. Kelly

    Hey Jeff-

    I had two “collections” that people just kept adding to without asking me if I really still liked them. One was dinosaurs. I had dinosaur sheets (in college!), a dinosaur kite, mugs, t-shirts, every knick-knacky dinosaur thing. The other collection was onyx animals. In fact, I still have the oversized shoe box full of them. Everything from elephants to seals, all sculpted from onyx. Just begging to be in some grandma’s curio cabinet.

    I also have to tell you – one day in school last week, I was doing a project with the 1st graders that involved scraps of construction paper. Halfway into it, the gang of rowdy boys were holding up strips of paper under their noses showing each other their mustaches! I instantly thought of you, and laughed when they had different voices for their different shaped mustaches.

  3. Happy to be thought of when fake mustaches are out and about. Thanks for sharing. People loooooove to add to a forced fetish collection. It’s funny to think of certain people, to associate them with their collection. You see it and think of them. In some ways, it’s a useful calling card. Maybe it’s better to at least have something, right?
    Now I will definitely allow onyx animals to remind me of you. That’s pretty specific.

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