Overheard in the Bathroom

“Dad, what happened to my underwear? I don’t have any underwear on.”

Said WWII aficionado, Doodles, with cords around his ankles, post pee, stumbling into the hallway.
He dressed himself, almost completely, this morning. When I offered him some undies to put on, he said he wanted to go without them. I suggested that going Commando may not be good for the chafing on the penis. He is currently wearing underwear again.

Dad’s Night

Doodles and I have Dad’s Night tonight, a pre-school tradition we have loved. One of the best things about it and Mom’s Night has been the artwork produced by the boys about us. The kids draw the picture and tell a story or answer questions which the teachers write down. Here’s Doodles’ latest about me:

This really nails my slovenly Winter slide as seen through my child’s eyes. At least it was Wii Fit with all those chips I guess I ate. It’s always funny to see what details they remember and discuss. You can’t hide anything. I am not saying this is totally accurate, but if perception is reality and my youngest perceives me this way…

Tonight I will get a fake shave with real cream, too. Perhaps I’ll have more on Dad’s Night after the event. I’ll bring the Flip.

Kid Logic

“Your pen1s grows big when you get big. My pen1s is 4.
You know what, when I was a baby, my pen1s was 1.”
(holding up one finger)

— Doodles, post-pee

I didn’t want anyone finding this by searching the properly spelled word.

Sheltered Sons

Pablo, Doodles and I had a gym playdate with Lotaleesparkman and her children. Lotalee has a nose ring. Much mayhem ensued, including, but not limited to, Lifetime Fitness paging me to return to the child center.

After we said goodbye and were driving away in our car,

Doodles: Dad, what is the thing in the mom’s nose?

Jefe: Oh, you mean her nose ring?

Doodles: Yeah, she has one like Bebop! (from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Thanks for the playdate and all apologies. He means it as a compliment.

Kindergarten Crushes

All names have been changed to protect the passionate.

Pablo told me, apropos of nothing as most of our conversations begin, that
Xavier has a crush on Hannah.

“Oh”, I said, my glasses slipping down my nose and the newspaper lowered like a concerned, but mostly amused, sitcom father.

But, Pablo continued, “Xavier tries to kiss Madison.”

“And Dad, do you know what? Jake has a crush on Emily!”

Now this mildly interesting as both Mama and I had noticed the particular attentions young Emily had shown to our Pablo upon volunteering in the classroom. And perhaps, even more relevant as Jake is one of Pablo’s best friends.

“Pablo, do you have a crush on someone?”

“NO!”

“Oh, we thought Emily had a crush on you.”

“No! Jake has a crush on Emily!”

Pablo, the great friend, bros before hos, so to speak.

Kindergarten. Really? I didn’t think we would be hearing about this kind of stuff for a while. I thought girl germs were worse than swine flu at this age. Any other parents experiencing any of this chatter?

Wise

Doodles
re: Transformer sticker

“This one is my favorite. I’m going to rip it in half so it’s more awesomer.”

Ah, the wisdom of King Solomon.

Kindergarten = awesome

After the first day of kindergarten, Pablo was kind of quiet. He was very hungry and not very talkative. He seemed a little shocked or possibly overwhelmed. We tried to ask him about it and he didn’t say much. A little later in the day he came to my office.

Pablo: Dad, remember that story about the boy who was afraid of kindergarten, but after the first day he said it was awesome?

Jefe: Yes, I do.

Pablo: It was awesome for me, too, Dad.

Retelling this to Mama was the closest I came to welling up with a tear or two today.

Running lines

Oft overheard line in our lives –

Pablo: “I like big butts…and I never lie!”

He sounds like a cross between Sir Mix A-Lot and Honest Abe when reciting this line frequently.

Doodles: “You got blood on your face. Big disgrace. Kicking your can all over the place.
We will. We will. Rock you. Rock you. NOW.”

Hard to explain your 3-year-old constantly talking about a bloody face.

The Ballplayers’ Bubblegum

Pablo had me read the back of the Big League Chew pack to him aloud…3 times.
So, we recorded it. But I found out I can’t upload it here without a space upgrade. We’ll see if I find it worth it to do that later. Sorry for the tease. How about this?

BLC audio download

I’m going to see the Twins tonight and we are taking the boys in a couple weeks, too.

Baseball Fever: catch it.

Symbolic Posturing

“Why You Wanna Treat Me So Bad?” by Prince playing in the car.

Jefe: Hey guys, this is Prince. He’s from Minnesota.

Listening a while. Air guitar playing.

Pablo: Is he a boy?

——————————————

Later in the Trader Joe’s parking lot, Doodles and I heard a very loud sing-a-long of “Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?” by U2. Coming towards us was a gold Lexus with windows down and a middle-aged man belting out the tune along with the stereo. I looked at his license which read simply:
BONO